#13 - SUV…..Shouty Useless Vulgar

Apologies if the title lacks any real creativity or subtlety, but we don’t really care much for Sports Utility Vehicles. That’s not to say they are bad cars by any stretch of the imagination……in fact, quite the opposite. They often can be found bending the laws of physics and embarrassing many a traditional sports car in the process. Heck with winter just round the corner, we even considered buying a few to bolster the fleet while we weather the supercar doldrums that the market is currently experiencing.

No, our hatred for SUVs stems from the over expansion of a subset of the car market that never really needed to be expanded. Back in the 90s, you owned a conventional 4x4 if you worked on a farm, had many children and pets to transport, liked sitting in a higher driving position or felt a little safer enclosed in a larger steel box. It made sense, form followed function. The pinnacle of 4x4 opulence at the time was without a question of a doubt, the Ranger Rover. Not only was it exceptional off road, but it allowed you to climb any mountain or ford any river whilst doing so wrapped in a cocoon of soft leather and faux mahogany. They were and still to this day remain the benchmark.

But then in the early noughties, buoyed on by low oil prices and a bullish macro backdrop, car manufacturers began testing the idea of a sporty 4x4. A vehicle that’s off-road capabilities didn’t impede on being able to charge down the autobahn at 120mph or go round a corner without flipping over. The figurehead for this new breed of sporty 4x4 was very much the Porsche Cayenne. Named after the pungent hot-tasting powder prepared from ground dried chilli peppers, the 1st generation car although looking like someone had extended a 996 and stuck it on stilts, was actually a very impressive car to drive. Okay it may have lacked the off-road capabilities of the Range Rover, but thanks to its low-range case, locking differential and height-adjustable off-road suspension, it wasn’t a complete dud when the need came to traverse a pony club field or an icy ski chalet driveway. What’s more, any absence of off-road pedigree was more than offset by the Cayenne’s on road capabilities…..it was a Porsche after all.

The problem came however when Porsche decided to stick a “Turbo” badge on the back of one……and even more sacrilegiously, a “Turbo S” sticker. You see that iconic 5 letter word should only ever appear on one Porsche and one Porsche alone….The 911 Turbo. It sits at the core of what Porsche is renowned for making….incredible, versatile and practical sports cars. And the 911 Turbo sat at the head of the table. You see, by putting the word Turbo on the back of the Cayenne it began to confuse the car buying population about which car they should be buying. Let’s not forget, in Turbo S guise, the Cayenne could hit 60mph quicker than 996 Carrera S and keep on going to an air splitting top speed in excess of 170mph.  

The bigger problem however was that it opened the flood gates for all the other car manufactures to follow suit. BMW, Audi, Mercedes……heck even the stable horse that was Land Rover got in on the mix. And then hybrid SUVs began appearing which were meant to look more “Coupe” like and take inspiration from Paris Dakar race buggies. The fact that the X6 couldn’t even get up a moist grass incline didn’t matter, people bought them and it became a self-fulfilling prophecy.

In fact, we currently sit at the precipice of the SUV bubble with Lamborghini, Maserati, Bentley and Rolls Royce all offering an SUV in their product range and Ferrari and Aston Martin have models on the horizon in the very near future. The reality is, people don’t need these SUVs. It is a lifestyle choice fuelled by footballers, celebs, yummy mummies, Paul Hollywood…….They are too big and bulky for most roads (particularly here in Britain), use an exorbitant amount of fuel, depreciate faster than the Titanic sunk and let’s be honest, aren’t particularly appealing on the eyes.

I guess the point we are trying to make in an unearthly kind of way is that our irrational and unnecessary love for the Sport Utility Vehicle is fuelling car manufacturers to make more and more of them. Do you want an X4M Competition or a Cayenne E Hybrid Coupe or a Velar SVR with a cherry on top…….no, I want none of them! I’m driving 10 minutes down the road to drop the kids off….ride a push bike!

Happy Motoring,

CC’s Investment Team